are you still at the devil's house?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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