If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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