he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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