The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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