OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
