It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
