names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
