dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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