I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
