u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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