I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dignity is for republicans.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were trust falling into bushes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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