this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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