imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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