This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I didn't notice because vodka
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
