dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
