girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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