she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
