At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Blood and glitter go together right?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
