Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
