All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
