i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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