Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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