Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
