Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
