Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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