tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am midnight drunk by noon
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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