The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
