I wanna bring you to show and tell
i think my mom watched the whole time
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
