Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
