How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
