She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
