just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
