walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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