Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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