I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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