Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
