You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
