did you get engaged???
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
