Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
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I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
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He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My bed smells like the plague
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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