does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
