he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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