im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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