Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
