I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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