i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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