Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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