I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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