I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Let's paint friendship bongs
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
