I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Plan B is the new Plan A
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
