I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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