The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
