she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
