Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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