I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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