Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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