do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
