What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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