i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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