she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
