well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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