Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I want her autograph on my taint
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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