There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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